Do you have students with ADD or ADHD? Or maybe a traumatic brain injury (TBI). Perhaps they have another reason they need help with their executive functioning skills, or maybe the reason isn’t clear. Regardless of the reason, you can help your students learn executive functioning skills.

Visuals

Labels are your best friend. And for special education, we need to think beyond word labels and think real photo labels. When I am setting up my classroom, I like to take pictures of everything I want labeled. I use the picture of the objects as my background and I type over the objects with the word to promote literacy. This way students who are on a concrete learning level and need real pictures (not even drawings), can match the picture to get and put away supplies while still getting text exposure. It does take some time to do, but it is well worth it. Get my FREE template so you can drop in your own photos and DIY your labels to match the exact items in your classroom.

Schedules

You’ve probably heard about using schedules for students with autism, but schedules are great for a wide range of students, including ones who need to learn executive functioning skills. Your students may or may not need to know what is coming up during the day, but they do need help planning out their study schedule, especially for students in middle school and high school.

I’ve worked with several students on creating a study schedule. After we schedule in all the things they have to do like school time, transportation time, meals, hygiene needs, practices, and anything else they must do, the first thing I have my students schedule is time for fun. It always surprises them. It’s absolutely essential for any student’s mental health to have built in time for recreation. When I was a student, I worked too hard. I was valedictorian, but I hardly ever got time to be a kid. It wasn’t good for me, and it isn’t good for your students either.

After your students have blocked out their must dos and their fun time, then you can start assigning time for homework assignments. This will vary significantly based on a student’s grade and course demands. Get input from the student on about how long it is usually takes them to complete something and why. If your older students are chatting online while doing their work, it will take them longer. Encourage them to set the phone aside so they can get done more quickly and have more free time. Usually I find kids are open to this when they realize it benefits them, and isn’t just an adult being anti-fun.

The schedule is a living document. I work with my students to update their study schedules frequently. I check in with them to find out what is and isn’t working for them. This questioning process helps them internalize that dialogue so when they are an adult, they will know how to make adjustments to their own schedule accordingly. I’ve used this strategy with students with ADD and TBI, and it’s worked wonders.

Lists

Ever woken up and knew you had something important going on but couldn’t remember what it was? It’s awful. Help your students avoid this agony by encouraging them to make lists, especially using technology whenever possible.

When I was in school, I would always loose my list of homework assignments. Eventually, I moved to writing the list on my hand throughout the day. For years, my hands were covered in blue, black, and purple ink. I don’t recommend this strategy for your students. We’ve evolved since then. If your student has technology access, have them write their assignments in a program like Google Keep that allows them to check things off as they are done. It’s free and simple to use. It’s also shareable, so students can share the list with their special education teacher, parents, or both. One point for accountability.

If a student doesn’t have access to technology, a good old-fashioned student planner can work well. I’ve used these with students too. Some students get more buy in with these when they get to use fun colors and highlights to color code the due dates and subjects. I like students to be able to choose their own planner or have the freedom to decorate it. They need to have ownership of this item so that they will want to keep track of it. Kids don’t want a basic black planner that looks like a 50 something CEO uses. Let them use that when they ARE 50 something CEOs. Yes, it can 100% happen for our special education students. (See Richard Branson (Virgin), Ingvar Kampvrad (Ikea), Barbara Corcoran and Daymond John (both on Shark Tank), and bunches more.)

Timers

It might sound nuts, but this is a strategy I picked up from a personal trainer friend. She taught me about Tabata Timers, which break down High Intensity Interval Training sessions into bite sized pieces. In the productivity world, this can be called the Pomodoro Technique. It breaks work down into smaller intervals. Usually they are 25 minute work sessions with 5 minute breaks, but you can absolutely shorten this to meet students’ needs. There are tons of apps and some Chrome extensions for making this technique easy to implement. In fact, I use the Tomato Timer one myself sometimes. Not everybody has a great internal clock, so these timers really help students stick to their schedule, a big part of learning executive functioning skills.

Curious about other Chrome Extensions to support students? You can find my recommendations here.

Chunk It

How do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time.

As a little girl, I loved to eat raw carrots. Back then, we didn’t have baby carrots, we just had big chunky carrots. I would almost always bite off more than I could chew and have to spit it out in the trash can. I needed guidance to make sure I didn’t try too much all at once.

This happens to our students with work. It’s not always that they can’t do the work. It’s just that when looking at it from start to finish, it’s way too intimidating. Help students focus on one task at a time, so they don’t freeze up. When confronted with too much to do, it really can prompt a fear response in kids (or adults). That’s going to look like fight, flight, or freeze in your classroom. Avoid the behaviors (fights), flights (elopement), or freezing (work refusal). Don’t tell students to climb a mountain. Tell them to take one step forward. To learn executive functioning skills, it is all about learning to break down tasks into smaller bits. We have to model that before our students will do it on their own.

Direct Teaching of Organization

My mom doesn’t have a diagnosis of ADD, but we both suspect she may have it. She tells me stories of daydreaming out the window when she was in school. She was a good student none the less (she’s wicked smart). However, physical organization has always been difficult for her.

Last year, I spent some time with my parents to help my dad after a major surgery. During that time, I started to help Mom organize the house. Love her to bits, but it really needed it. I wasn’t directly taught this skill, but eventually managed to pick it up. I helped her get a system in place for the bathroom linen cabinet, under the kitchen sink, and cleaned out the garage. Instead of just turning her loose to figure out how to use it, I showed her and explained the whole system. Because I didn’t have time to help her do the whole house, I connected her with a professional organizer, Lisa Sims. She was awesome and continued the process of not just organizing but explaining the system to my mom. Since then, Mom has been able to keep things organized much easier. She just needed direct instruction.

We often don’t spend enough time teaching physical organization. We assume students get these skills at home, but often that’s not the case. If you want your students to have a clean desk, show them how to do it. And provide regular time for students to work on it. During desk cleaning time, put up a visual on the Smart Board of what clean desks should look like. This will help kids see if they need to keep going or if they are meeting the expectation. You can also partner students. Pair your neat students with your kids who need assistance.

Your students will benefit from direct teaching that supports executive functioning skills. These skills are crucial for almost anything your student will want to do in the future. These skills are teachable and will make a world of difference for your kids. When they learn executive functioning skills, they become more empowered to take charge of their own learning.

Don’t forget to get your FREE label template!

The post Awesome Ways to Help Students Learn Executive Functioning Skills appeared first on Owl Quest.

You can get a free copy of a two minute guided meditation I made. It’s short, sweet, and specific. It’s perfect for even elementary age students. I hope it brings calm to your classroom.

1. Dim the Lights for Guided Meditation

Changing the lighting in the room changes the whole mood of the room. When I would do meditation with my students, I would turn off the overhead lights. I would then put a meditation video on the smart board. I encourage students to close their eyes, but I also don’t make a big deal about them closing their eyes. Some kids who have had trauma in their lives may not feel comfortable closing their eyes for a meditation. In that case, encourage them to let their eyes go soft, looking in one place without focusing.

2. Get It On The Schedule

I like to schedule meditation time for times of the day when I know my kids can use some simmering down. Meditation becomes easier and easier when it’s done regularly. Some of the best times are the very beginning of the day as part of your morning routine, after lunch and recess, and after specials. One of my favorite memories of elementary school was when my 3rd grade teacher would have us rest with our heads down after recess as part of our routine. It helped all of us wind down. After a few minutes of rest, she would read aloud to us. It still gives me the warm and fuzzies to this day.

3. Chart it Out

When beginning a meditation practice in your classroom, it can be helpful to go over the expectations just like you do with beginning of the year rules. First, demonstrate to the class what meditation is. Then foster a discussion about what meditation looks like, sounds like, and feels like. Then talk about what it does not look, sound, and feel like. Create a visual chart in your classroom with both words and illustrations on how to meditate. You can even have students sign the page before you post it on the wall. It gets buy in from the students, and gives you a visual you can silently point to if a student is off task during the meditation.

4. Make Meditation Part of Your Calming Station

Whether you call it a Cool Down Spot, Antarctica, or something else, give students the option to meditate in this area of your classroom. Including guided meditation for students on a CD player or even a tablet can help kids practice self-regulation with the structure of a guide. Do make sure you review any and all meditation practices that you allow in your classroom. Don’t just go on YouTube and let them find meditation videos. You could get into trouble easily that way.

5. Keep Practicing Meditation In Your Class

Meditation is a practice, and one I work on daily. Meditation doesn’t have to be perfect to be helpful. Your kids likely will laugh a bit at first. I had a wonderful principal who had the staff meditate as a demonstration, and even the adults were giggling. Meditation takes time to establish. Let go of the idea of perfection with meditation. There is no such thing. Just today I accidentally fell asleep during my meditation. Oops! I must have gotten a little too relaxed. But it’s OK. Meditation isn’t a competition. It doesn’t matter if Ms. So-and-So down the hall has students who do fancy yoga poses while they do meditation. Implement what you feel comfortable with committing to, and no more. You are free to choose the way meditation looks in your classroom.

Social Emotional Learning Through Guided Meditation

Short Guided Meditation for Students is a quick way to impart important lessons to your students. It’s great for Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) on how to self-regulate. It helps kids learn to calm down their minds and bodies on their own. The words in the guided meditations they use can become scripts they remember to calm themselves down without a guide. Researchers have known for a long time that  guided meditation is an intervention that helps with behavior in students with disabilities, according to a review of literature from 1985. I found this article using Google Scholar which is my favorite fast way to research interventions. Otherwise I use my library’s data base to journal articles. The update to IDEA law in 2004 states we are charged with,”the use of scientifically based instructional practices.” Use guided meditation with confidence in your classroom. It’s backed by years of research. It’s time more classrooms use it.

The post 5 Tips for Short Guided Meditation for Students (including kids with special needs) appeared first on Owl Quest.

What is Trauma?

According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network via “Trauma Informed Schools: What Are They,” the following list contains Traumatic Situations for students:

• Physical or sexual abuse
• Abandonment
• Neglect
• The death or loss of a loved one
• Life-threatening violence in a caregiver
• Witnessing domestic violence
• Automobile accidents or other serious accidents
• Bullying
• Life-threatening health situations and/or painful medical procedures
• Witnessing or experiencing violence (e.g., shootings, stabbings, robbery, or fighting at home, in the neighborhood or at school)
• Witnessing police activity or having a close relative incarcerated
• Life-threatening natural disasters
• Acts or threats of terrorism (viewed in person or on television)
• Living in chronically chaotic environments that are unstable.

This list is not exhaustive as trauma can be any event or situation that inhibits a student’s ability to learn normally. Some of our students have small amounts of trauma that might fit on a spoon. Others might have a whole truckload of trauma to contend with and heal from. Some of our students have trauma solely in their past, while other students have trauma that is ongoing in their lives.

According to the National Child Traumatic Stress, up to 40% of students have experienced or witnessed traumatic stress. The National Survey of Children Exposed to Violence has the number at 60% of children experiencing trauma. Examples of trauma include home destabilization, violence, neglect, sexual abuse, substance abuse, death, parental incarceration, and other adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). As our climate changes, natural disasters are growing on this list. I volunteered in college reading to children who evacuated from Hurricane Katrina, and I’ve seen my city Houston flood multiple times over the last several years. The stress impacts children especially. If you’ve taught more than two students, you are likely to have taught a student who has experienced trauma.

Adverse Childhood Experiences

Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, were named by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Kaiser Permanente (Education Week, 2019). IDEA even refers to trauma for pre-schoolers and allows children who have experienced a, “substantial case of trauma due to family violence,” to be eligible for early intervention services, an important fact for those on the IEP team. Each ACE a student has increases absenteeism, behavior problems, and academic performance (Education Week, 2019). ACEs don’t only impact a student in school; ACEs have a life-long impact on a person’s health. Understanding ACEs helps us as special education teachers ensure services are provided when legally required and helps us make informed decisions about how to help students academically, behaviorally, and socially.

Image via https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/acestudy/ace-graphics.html

ACEs Assessment

While the definition of ACEs varies and there does not seem to be one standardized list of ACEs, there are resources to help you assess and consider ACEs. The World Health Organization has an assessment called ACE-IQ. It is only designed for those 18 and older. However, I think it is a good resource to review for our understanding of the ACEs without administering it to children. This assessment is designed to be applicable for use world-wide. This is helpful for educators because some of our students may come with trauma not often seen in our area. The assessment helps us think of ACEs that may be less common in the United States but still impact some students, like being a refugee of a war.

Environment and Trauma: The Ecosystem

Every person, including all our students, exists within five distinct ecosystem levels: microsystem, mesosystem, exosystem, macrosystem, and chronosystem. The microsystem involves a person’s interactions with their immediate environment at home and school. If we zoom out to the next level of the mesosystem, we see the relationships between different microsystems, for example, the interaction between home and school. The exosystem impacts students via school policies, dress codes, and teacher training. If we zoom all the way out to macrofactors we see things like oppression, discrimination, and public policy legislation that impact our kids. The chronosystem is about development with age and how age interacts with the rest of the layers (Crosby). Keep in mind for our kids in special education, they may be at a different developmental level than peers their age which will impact their trauma and could manifest in a way more like their developmental level rather than chronological age.

Impact of Trauma

According to Brunzell, Waters, and Stokes, the impacts of traumatic events are showing up in students as ADHD, conduct disorder, and oppositional defiance disorder. Trauma can also cause intermittent explosive disorder. Even for students who don’t receive special education eligibility, trauma can impacts the way we need to teach our students.

According to Buxton, there is little research about the behavioral responses of emotionally disturbed (ED) children in a trauma informed context. As special education teachers, we know how damaging that lack of research can be. We are legally expected to use evidence-based practices with our students, but sometimes there is a lack of research to use. In the meantime, teachers all over the country are reporting an increase of violent and/or disruptive behavior.

Trauma can cause cognitive delays. It harms a child’s ability to concentrate, self-regulate, and use memory (Buxton). According to Buxton’s study, there is overlap between the behaviors reported in IEPs and in three of the four functional domains related to trauma. Those domains are academics, relationships, and self-regulation. If you have worked with students with an ED eligibility, you might be nodding your head in agreement because it aligns closely with what you have observed in your career. While I have not seen this in research, it would not surprise me if special education students are more likely than others to have experienced trauma. Whether my suspicion is right or not, it’s critical for special education teachers to be trauma informed so they can understand it as a possible cause of behavior. By approaching students with an understanding of trauma, we can work to help in a non-threatening way that respects their experiences and how those experiences have altered their brain.

How to Be Trauma Sensitive

According to Pawlo, Lorenzo, Eichert, and Elias, programs that teach Social Emotional Learning should all be trauma-informed. The goals are often similar, but the intensities differ. They recommend a few useful things to do school wide, but if you can’t make a school wide change, you can at least make changes in your classroom.

Highly Predictable Routines

Highly predictable routines help students feel safer and become less fearful. Students with trauma often have come to expect instability. Helping give them stability in your class will help calm the waves they are riding in life. Routines are the bedrock of solid classroom management, and are also considered to benefit students with autism in particular.

Focus on Strengths

Helping students have a positive purpose and highlighting student strengths helps create a positive environment for students who have experienced trauma. Students who have experienced trauma are more likely to have experienced rejection and have a poor self-concept.  Instead of focusing on a student’s deficits, how can you focus on their strengths? We should always be considering our students strengths and how to build those. While, yes, we are charged with closing gaps and deficits, our special education students (and really every student) would be well served by a focus on strengths so they can find careers in which they thrive. This means our schools need to have arts, music, theater, and sports programs. Sometimes, those courses and activities are what keeps kids coming to school when they are not feeling successful academically.

School Climate for Teachers

While teachers have less control over this than administration and district personnel, Social Emotional Learning programs must focus on helping adults in the building, not just students. As teachers, we are often told of the magic of building relationships. But that is extremely hard to do when we ourselves are fearful or stressed out. Taking care of teachers helps teachers take care of the kids. If you aren’t finding support in your building, find other special education teachers to help encourage you. Our Facebook page is here to help you find other teachers facing similar challenges.

Free Training

If you are looking for more information on ACEs, The Center of Disease Control recommends these free courses as a resource at Veto Violence.

Collaboration

If this article helped you understand more about trauma informed teaching, please share it with your teacher colleagues on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or however you like to communicate with your fellow educators. Together, we can make a difference for students.

References

Buxton, P. S. (2018). Viewing the Behavioral Responses of ED Children from a Trauma-Informed Perspective. Educational Research Quarterly, 41(4), 30–49. Retrieved from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=129643261&site=ehost-live

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2017). Connecting the dots. Retrieved from  https://vetoviolence.cdc.gov/apps/connecting-the-dots/

Crosby, S. D. (2015). An Ecological Perspective on Emerging Trauma-Informed Teaching Practices. Children & Schools, 37(4), 223–230. https://doi.org/10.1093/cs/cdv027

Pawlo, E., Lorenzo, A., Eichert, B., & Elias, M. J. (2019). All Sel Should Be Trauma-Informed. Phi Delta Kappan, 101(3), 37–41. Retrieved from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=139382511&site=ehost-live

Some FAQs for Educators On Children’s Trauma. (2019). Education Week, 39(1), 20. Retrieved from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=138219549&site=ehost-live

Trauma-informed Schools: What Are They? (2017). Curriculum Review, 57(4), 10. Retrieved from http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=126425345&site=ehost-live

World Health Organization (2018). Adverse childhood experiences international questionaire (ACE-IQ). Retrieved from https://www.who.int/violence_injury_prevention/violence/activities/adverse_childhood_experiences/en/

The post Trauma Informed Teaching for Special Education Teachers appeared first on Owl Quest.

Special educators don’t just need protective clothing to help us with behaviors, sometimes we need to keep safe from diseases. I’ve been in this position with a student who had a disease that could be spread through bodily fluids, including saliva. My paras and I took the necessary precautions to be safe when helping with feeding and changing him. Also, many students with special needs often require lifting. You need to protect your back and practice safe lifting. Our students are worth the work, but we are worth protecting too!

After I was a special education teacher, I worked in the private sector. There I learned that protective clothing to do a job safely is called PPE which stands for Personal Protective Equipment. Nobody taught me about it while I was teaching, and sure wish they had. In the private sector, PPE is generally provided to you as part of the tools given to do your job. Teachers should also be provided PPE. In fact, it’s the law. Just like a welder needs a mask and gloves, teachers sometimes need safety equipment too.

However, what a school deems necessary will be different from district to district. Document your injuries and the frequency. It will help make a case to get the proper PPE bought and paid for by your district. You should not have to provide your own PPE to be safe at work. However, I also know we all live in the real world. Keeping yourself safe needs to be priority number one. If you expect a long battle over getting PPE paid for, consider getting the PPE and saving your receipt to get reimbursed. If you’re a union member (and you should be), ask them for advice in this matter as they will know more than I do on the legalities.

A few notes before we start.

The items recommended are Amazon Affiliate links which means I may make a commission on the sale, but it doesn’t cost you anything extra at all. It helps us continue to bring you useful teaching information.

It’s NOT Your Fault

Having a kid exhibiting behavior that needs PPE does NOT make you a bad teacher. It doesn’t matter how much you love your students or how great a teacher you are. These behaviors can and do happen, and it isn’t a reflection of you. Let yourself out of the guilt and blame game. It’s not your fault.

If you’re feeling guilt or shame about the behavior going on in your classroom, let it go. Right now. Release the tension you feel in your shoulders, pull them down from your ears. Loosen your jaw, take your tongue off the roof of your mouth. With it let go of the guilt and let go of the tension. Done? Now let go of the guilt you feel for feeling the guilt or letting the stress get to you in the first place if you’re carrying any of that. It’s easier said than done, I know.

At Owl Quest, we are problem solvers. Just by being here, reading this, you’re doing something good for yourself and your students. I know that you’re a problem solver too. By protecting yourself from harm, you’ll have an easier time building positive relationships with your students. Let go of the blame game. We’re here to talk solutions, not blame.

Get Support

Ideally, you’ll have support from your administrators. They should be providing training like CPI training. You should have support from other staff members like your occupational therapist, behavior analyst and/or a school psychologist. With training and support will help you determine the function of behavior. We’ll discuss that more in another post soon, but this article is about is how protective clothing for special education teachers can help you stay safe. But it’s important to remember that part of protecting yourself is having a support system in place.

Have someone to discuss things with. It could be a fellow teacher (I suggest one at a different school and ideally a different district), a sibling, a friend, or a spouse. Having a student who exhibits dangerous behaviors with frequency is extremely emotionally challenging. You’re not a teacher robot. And if somebody else was treating you this way, you’d be in an abusive relationship. But with special education it is different. Our special needs students don’t always know better and in some cases, aren’t even aware that what they are doing hurts somebody else. You’re going to need somebody to talk to. However, in all your discussions, protect your students privacy. They are always entitled to privacy no matter what behavior they are showing. Don’t reveal their names. Not protecting privacy could come back to bite you far worse than any student injury.

Document

Before we move on to the protective clothing for teachers, don’t forget to document the behavior. You need to record the ABCs of the behavior. Antecedent, Behavior, and Consequence. Have a clipboard handy for documentation so you can track it. It will help you and your team determine the best way to help the student. Two students may have the same behavior but the function will be different. When that happens, the way to extinguish the behavior changes. It’s a pain, but you’ll be glad you took the time to do it.

Protective Clothing

Masks-Update for 2020

Masks have become a safety necessity because of COVID-19. I have some fun mask designs for sale via RedBubble. Their masks are cloth and are for general public use only. They are not intended for use in medical settings. Their website has more information because they are the seller of record not me.

Here are some of my fun mask designs for teachers.

I <3 My Students

Elemeno Mask

In Our Class We Stick Together Mask

I have other designs for fun teacher stuff like stickers, mugs, and t-shirts on RedBubble too. I won’t list them here because they aren’t really protective, but if you’re interested, you can find them here.

Kevlar Sleeves

Kevlar sleeves will help protect your arms from bites and scratches. I’ve included a few different kinds, so you’ll have your choice of color. I would be surprised if your district would pay for more than one pair per person, but if you’re fashionably inclined, you could get more than one color to go with your outfits. I choose these ones because of the longer sleeves with the thumb holes. That way the sleeves will protect your the tops of your hands, not just your arms. When I was dealing with this behavior, the tops of my hands were the preferred spot to scratch.

Kevlar Gloves

If you already are wearing long sleeves or a protective sleeve, you may only need protective gloves. Kevlar gloves, like the sleeves, will protect against scratches and bites. They protect from abrasions but they are also lightweight and comfortable. However, they won’t protect you against pathogens. For that, you’ll need a different kind of glove.

Steel Toed Shoes

If you have a kid who stomps your feet, steel toed shoes can help protect your toes. At both schools I taught in, special education teachers were allowed to wear tennis shoes, but generally I wore more professional shoes. I’ll include some of both here to fit your needs.

Safety Glasses

If you have a student that could harm your eyes, consider safety goggles. Models that have elastic will look goofy, but then again, a pirate style eye patch if you get hurt will look goofy too. Your eyes are particularly precious, and damage to them can be debilitating. Protect your vision!

Gloves

Many students are allergic to latex, so it’s a good idea to avoid latex gloves to avoid that issue altogether. These nitrile gloves are latex free so you won’t have to worry. Nitrile gloves come in different safety levels. Some are for food handling while others are medical grade. You’ll want medical grade to protect you from diseases that are present in bodily fluids, food grade will not be good enough. Your district may already have these on hand. Check with your school nurse to see if she already has some that your district provided.

Back Braces for Lifting

Changing students comes with the territory of being a teacher for students with special needs. It didn’t really bother me, it was just part of caring for my students. However, I have sciatica and while I was a classroom teacher it was worse. It made lifting to change a student difficult and painful for me. I didn’t use a back brace because it never occurred to me that I should or could. If you have a back problem, or even if you don’t, and lifting is part of your regular duties, strongly consider using a back brace to help you life safely. Back pain impacts so much of your life. It’s not worth risking an injury or aggravating an injury you already have.

Safety First

Safety for you, your paras, and your students should always be priority number one. By finding the right protective clothing you’ll be able to stay safer in a challenging work environment. Safer teachers are happier teachers and that makes for happier students.

Have an item of protective clothing we didn’t mention? We would love to hear about it. Let us know what it is!

The post Protective Clothing for Special Education Teachers appeared first on Owl Quest.

We don’t like thinking about it, much less talking about it. But if you teach for long enough, grief will touch your teaching practice. As a teacher, sometimes it becomes our job to help students deal with grief in the classroom.

You may teach a student who suddenly looses a loved one. It can happen to anyone. It happened to my mom at age 15 when her dad died of a heart attack. It was during the summer, but she went to her drivers ed class that day because they told them they couldn’t miss class no matter what. She didn’t tell anybody in class, and she talks about how that felt to this day. Even before tragedy strikes,  your students need to know that your classroom is a safe, nurturing place to be. They need to know that they matter, that their feelings matter. Death and grief happen to our children more often than you think as about 1 in 20 kids will loose a parent before they graduate, and even more will loose other close relatives. Even though it is common, children often feel alone in their grief.

It’s important we keep in mind that grief doesn’t impact students only if they lived in the same house as their loved one. The loss of a parent is extreme, but remember the loss of a grandparent  may have a profound impact on a student, even if the grandparent didn’t live with them. The student may be having to shoulder the grief of their parent who did just loose a parent. My best friend’s children grieved and still do grieve their grandfather who died a little over a year ago. The pain is still fresh for my friend’s family.

So how can we as teachers help?

Supporting a Grieving Student

Attend the Funeral

If at all possible, attend the funeral to show support for your student. Your student will appreciate a friendly face, and they will appreciate knowing that someone came specifically for them. For a student, the funeral of their loved one may be the first funeral they have ever had to attend. The most important adults in their lives will be consumed with their own grief. Say hello and express your heartfelt condolences. Funerals are for the living, not for the dead. So it doesn’t matter if you had met the family member or not, you should attend. They’ll remember you cared enough to go, possibly for the rest of their lives. It makes a big impact.

After the Student Returns to School

What to Expect

Just showing up in your classroom and facing the world after loss could be immensely difficult for your child. And those emotions won’t always come out as a tears. Your student may have angry outbursts or clam up.

As soon as possible when the student returns to school, have a private conversation with the child. Let them know that you are here for them and that in your classroom, they are safe. Let them tell you about what happened if they want to, but don’t force them too. Work with your student and your administrator to have a place where your student can go if they need a place to cry privately. It might be in the counselor’s office, the main office, the library. Somewhere quiet, removed, and out of the prying eyes of other students as much as possible.

Keep in mind that not only is the student grieving, but the students routine has been uprooted. If mom passed, dad or another caretaker is suddenly taking on new roles like packing lunches and carpool while grieving a loss themselves. Your student might be tardy for reasons completely out of his control. Homework is likely (and if you ask me, understandably) not going to be a priority for a while. If it gets out of control, talk to an admin. You’ll need to call home, but you’ll need to have a caring, compassionate conversation about it. Our society expects people to “get over it,” more quickly than many people are equipped to handle. Remember, you can’t do the Bloom’s stuff until you do the Maslow stuff. During grief, your students are working on feeling safe and secure and looking for love and belonging when a person they loved went away.

If you have access to a guidance counselor, your student should most likely make use of that resource. Here are some resources you can look through that guidance counselors use. Not all schools have a counselor, so if you’re stuck being guidance counselor as well, read more here. The resource includes a lot of videos making it handy to listen to while doing something else.

What to Say?

When someone dies, you probably wonder, “But what do I say?” It’s easy to be afraid of saying the wrong thing and making it worse. It feels like everything good say is cliche, and while true, those cliches can be more helpful than well intention ed messages that cause hurt.

It’s perfectly fine to start out by saying, “I am so sorry for your loss.” Yes, they will hear it a bunch, but that doesn’t make the sentiment not true. This isn’t really the time to break out a thesaurus or worry about using common phrases. It’s not the STAAR test, and there are no bonus points for creativity here. Nothing you say is going to be able to magically make the death OK. The goal here is to comfort, express empathy, and avoid adding pain.

People shy away from acknowledging what happened is bad. Our society is particularly uncomfortable around death. We often feel the need to fix it or to reassure someone when they are upset that everything is OK. That won’t work here. Everything is not OK. Nothing will ever be the same again for your student. By facing this discomfort and acknowledging it head on in a compassionate way sets a good example for the student. By saying what happened is terrible, you show them an appropriate way to use words to express what happened instead of stuffing emotions down and pretending everything is fine.

Use words accurate words like, “death,” and, “died,” especially for younger students. Attempts at softening the blow at best don’t really work, and at worst, confuse children into thinking that their loved one will come back. Don’t tell a child, “At least he is in a better place now,” or any variation of that. They will feel like the better place to be will be alive and with them. Also, you and your student may not share the same belief system.

You might have experienced a loss too, even around the same age as them. While it is tempting to empathize by sharing your story, people grieving don’t benefit from this. Quite simply, it’s not about you. This is about their grief, their loved one, not you and yours.

Words to Say

• I am so sorry
• I don’t know what to say, but please know I care.
• I am here to help you.
• You are in my thoughts.
• It is awful what happened.
• Died, death

Words and Phrases to Avoid

• At least…
• In a better place now
• It was his time to go.
• I know how you feel.
• You are in my prayers (Even if true, the student may not share your belief system. Plus you could get in trouble.)
• Passed away

We Were Going to be Reading (Insert Sad Book Here)

Was a sad book on the list of books you were planning to read for the year? If you have the option and flexibility, it’s probably not the best year to read “Where the Red Fern Grows,” “Charlotte’s Web,” or “The Bridge to Terabithia.” Your kids will still learn the skills they need to master with more lighthearted novel studies.

Yes, your other students will need to learn about death, loss, and empathy. Honestly, they are likely to be learning quite a bit from their classmate in a way that a book could never teach them. They will have plenty of opportunity to read sad books in other grades. I am of the opinion that the benefit to the other students does not outweigh the pain for the student who experienced loss.

Elementary Students

To help students deal with death in the classroom, it’s important to account for their developmental age. For elementary age students, consider a class meeting to let other students know that their classmate experienced a loss and might be sad for a while. Young students won’t always seem sad. Besides sadness and anger, your student may feel anxiety, guilt, or even shame at what has happened. They may not talk about their feelings much, but they might be a student who clings and needs extra attention from you.

Be prepared to answer tough questions your student might ask. Your classroom may be the most normal/stable place they have during this time. When you answer questions, be direct. Use clear language like, “death,” and, “died.” Avoid using euphemisms like, “passed away,” or, “lost.” The person who died isn’t missing and won’t return so don’t confuse the child or give her false hope.

What to do for Mother’s Day/Father’s Day Activities?

Maybe your school has Donuts with Dad or Muffin’s with Mom and you aren’t sure how to handle it. Talk to the student’s caregiver well in advance of any activity and work out a plan. The right thing to do should be a decision made jointly with the family. Some families may have another relative that would like to be honored as a stand in for the family member that passed away. Your student may want to participate in making a craft like the rest of the class for someone else special in their life, but if it is too hard, they might prefer visiting another classroom for that time period. Remember to send them with something fun so they won’t have a double whammy of being excluded from fun and grief.

What to Tell the Classmates?

For younger classmates, they may not quite understand what happened. Explain in simple terms to classmates that their friend’s loved one died. Explain that their friend will be sad when they come back to school and they might be sad for a long time. Talk to your students about ways that they can be a good friend when someone is sad. Have the class make cards.

Middle School and High School

Older students will understand death, but still can’t cope as well as an adult can. Because of their age and a teenagers drive for independence, they will be pulling aware from their remaining family. They may be more at risk for using drugs, fighting, or having sex, but of course that won’t happen for all students.

You already should be greeting your students at the door, but if you aren’t, start making it a practice now. Take an extra few moments to check in on your student who experienced the loss at the door. Work on building an especially good relationship with that student. If appropriate, ask the student, “How are you coping today.” Talk with your student to give them some choices that may help. Your student might prefer to sit in the back near a box of tissues to be less conspicuous if tears come. Do make sure the spot is also conducive to the student’s learning and checks out with any 504/IEP accommodations as the legal requirements have to come first.

It’s easier for grieving students in middle and high schools to get lost in the shuffle. They don’t have one teacher looking out for them in a classroom of maybe 25. Instead they have 7 or 8 teachers who maybe have 150-200 students each. Building a relationship with the student will potentially take more work because there is a shorter time to do it. Do what you can, and take an interest. Let the child know you see him and care about him. Encourage your student to get involved in an activity at the school. Band, art, sports, theater, dance, robotics, or something else. A group activity will help the student develop closer ties with peers to see them through the grief. And since many students choose to keep the same activity year after year, they can also develop a closer relationship with a teacher year over year.

Expressing Grief

Respect the child first and foremost. Your student might not want to talk about the loss, and that’s OK. They might prefer to write, draw, play music or something else to express their feelings. If you are teaching elementary, make sure the art, music, and PE teacher are aware of what happened. They may be able to collaborate with you on some ideas to help sooth or express feelings. If your student is having outbursts of anger, provide options on how to express the emotion in a less destructive way. Work out a signal where your student can tell you they need to draw in their journal for a bit to calm down for example. While it’s not necessarily on task with your lesson, it’s less disruptive to your classroom than an outburst and teaches them how to manage their emotions, which is a valuable life lesson too.

Your student may complain of physical symptoms like headaches and stomach aches. Grief does manifest itself into physical pain. The child really is feeling this, they aren’t making it up. It isn’t all in their head. Send the student to the nurse when appropriate. Even if you think it is grief, as a teacher, you’re not medically trained to make that call. While I didn’t experience a loss like this as a student I had stomach aches for about a decade before I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition. They started in high school and everybody though it was, “stress,” so I’m particularly sensitive to ignoring physical ailments in students. Grief and tragedy can be a trigger for physical diseases like autoimmune conditions. If your student frequently complains of a physical ailment, take data so you can let their caregiver know the frequency. That way they can give the students doctor the information to make a more informed decision about care.

Culture Differences

Grief is universal. While some cultures (or even just families) are open with their grief, others may be much more reserved. It’s important to respect how a child grieves because there is no one right way to grieve. No matter what culture your student is from, approach them with empathy, kindness, and thoughtfulness.

Ongoing Grief

Grief doesn’t have a timeline. Even if a student experienced loss a  year or more ago, doesn’t mean that grief won’t be impacting your student emotionally. Transitions between schools might be difficult. In high school, a student may be keenly aware of milestones their loved one is missing out on seeing. Don’t act like a student should be, “over it,” even if they are years removed from the loss.

Book Recommendations

If you’re a teacher, you should read at least one book to prepare you for this heavy topic before it happens. A student could potentially get the news while in your classroom. Waiting until a child has lost an important person is late to read up and then make a plan. We don’t (or shouldn’t) leave lesson planning to the last minute, and this is far more important than any one academic lesson. Here are some books to start with. The book links are affiliate links which means I could make a small commission off the book, but at no additional cost to you.

Resources

https://grievingstudents.org/

64 Children’s Books About Death and Grief

11 Books to Help You Confront Your Grief

Final Thoughts

Helping a student with grief in the classroom isn’t easy. It’s not what schools were designed to do. But with the right approach, your student will remember the love and care you showed them in the absolute worst of times forever. There is no perfect thing to say or do, only better things to say and do. You can’t fix it, so don’t try to. Focus on being a supportive, compassionate person for the child.

The post Help Students Deal with Grief in the Classroom appeared first on Owl Quest.